Written August 2025 · Reflection from April 2019
I’ve debated whether to share this.
But healing sometimes looks like telling the truth out loud especially the quiet truths that stayed buried for too long.
In April 2019, I went on a beautiful trip to Costa Rica. The skies were clear, the views breathtaking, the service incredible. It was the kind of vacation most people dream of. But inside, I wasn’t okay.
Here’s what I wrote while I was there something I never shared until now:
Can I be transparent for a minute…
I had the privilege of being on an amazing vacation in a beautiful, vibrant country full of colourful plants, trees, and animals. The service was beyond wonderful.
But I found myself deep in thought while trying to enjoy this dream trip. I’m blessed with a wonderful family, loving friends, and an amazing best friend who had always been there for me. Still… it was like I didn’t know how to relax.
I was doing my best to soak in the beauty — the sunshine, the views but I felt low. I hated that I had to struggle like this every single day. I hated feeling unhappy. I kept praying I could get over it.
I tried to remind myself that many people would love to have this life. And I was grateful. But I was also tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of being worried. I just wanted peace.
This wasn’t a complaint. It was just me trying to get the thoughts out.
A daily battle, if you ask me.
So to anyone who feels the same: hang in there.
We are going to be more than okay.
—
Originally written April 11, 2019
At the time, I was with my best friend of 17 years.
We had a lifetime of memories —birthdays, heartbreaks, secrets, sleepovers. But something shifted on that trip. I didn’t have the words for it then, but I felt it. The quiet disconnect. The emotional distance. The way I felt unseen.
By October of that same year, we weren’t speaking anymore.
And what hurt even more? I once tried to share this reflection, one you just read on Instagram. But she saw it and got upset. I took it down.
This same friend had also told me my YouTube was “a waste of time”… that I was “trying too hard to be seen.”
And back then? I listened. I shrunk. I deleted. I doubted myself.
But now I see it clearly:
I wasn’t trying to be seen.
I was trying to feel real.
I was trying to find my voice in a world that kept asking me to be quiet.
And I’m not deleting that anymore.
Looking back, I honor the version of me who wrote those words in Costa Rica.
The one who was smiling in pictures but crying inside.
The one who was already grieving something she hadn’t fully lost yet.
She didn’t need judgment,she needed softness.
And I’m giving her that now.
If you’ve ever grieved a friendship quietly, you’re not alone.
If you’ve ever felt low in the middle of something beautiful , you’re not broken.
You’re just human.
And healing doesn’t always look like peace at first.
Sometimes, it looks like telling the truth you weren’t ready to share back then.
And this?
This is my truth.
🌿 Your Turn
Have you ever let go of a friendship you thought would last forever?
You’re welcome to share your story below or just take a quiet breath and know: you are not alone.
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